Funny stuff

[Goose]

First topic message reminder :

[Goose]

[URL="http://www.explosm.net/comics/1809/"]
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[ravenjay37]

[Goose]

yummy

[Goose]

I Like Monkeys

The pet store was selling them for $5 a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kind of like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.

[ravenjay37]

The Bro Code(figure out which applies to who)

Bro Code Article 2: A bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.

Artcile 54: A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy's Day and other holidays, including Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).

Article 59: A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive.
When is bail crazy expensive? Crazy Expensive Bail > Years You've Been Bros x $100

Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros. Exception: A Bro is off the hook if his Bro orders a drink that arrives with an umbrella in it.

Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

Article 69: DUH!!!!!

Article 91: If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname.

Article 96: Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire.

Article 113: A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a younger chick.
Acceptable Age-Difference Formula: x< y/2+7 x=chick's age; y=Bro's age

Article 118: When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian.

Article 147: If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his back.

Article 24: When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

Article 80: A Bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle, short of completing the tricycle himself.

Article 122: A Bro is always psyched. Always.

[Casanova]

thatsgood shit why didnt you post the full list haha

[Goose]

This has Casanova written all over it!


[URL="http://www.explosm.net/comics/1866/"]
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